Victoria Schade has been a dog trainer and writer for over seventeen years. During that time her dog duties have included working behind the scenes on Animal Planet’s Puppy Bowl as the lead animal wrangler. Here Schade shares how happily ever afters are the best with dogs.
When I climb into bed at the end of the day, I have three possible cuddling partners.
One of my bedmates is your typical romance novel heartthrob, all good looks and quick wit. Another is a platinum blonde who worships me with an ardor I’ve never experienced before. My final bedmate is the dark and mysterious type who rewards me with affection only when I’ve earned it.
Before you start to wonder about my lifestyle choices, let me assure you that only one of my cuddle partners is human. Much like Cora, the main character of my novel, Life on the Leash, I kiss my dog on the mouth, and I make room in my bed for my dogs. Tom, my husband of eighteen years, is used to actively competing with scruffy white Olive and sleek black Millie in order to make contact with me. Of course, I could banish our dogs to the foot of the bed so that I could better love up on Tom, but I’m convinced that sleeping with dogs is cozier, cuter and generally more rewarding than sleeping with dudes.
First, the sheer creativity of canine cuddles puts human snuggles to shame. A dog can nestle her head in the crook of your neck and it feels like a cozy cashmere scarf. If your human partner opts for the same position you’ll likely end up with a hot blast of bed-breath every five seconds, and the snoring to go along with it. (Okay, some pugs can outpace humans in the snore/breath department.) You can bet that your human co-sleeper would never curl up in the space behind your knees, but your dog can fit there like a puzzle piece. And when it comes to the foot situation, what would you rather have resting against your back, puppy paws, or callused, stinky dude feet? (Yes, dog paws have a smell, but who doesn’t love the aroma of corn chips?)
Then there’s the warmth factor to consider. The expression “three dog night” exists for a reason, and even a single dog can generate enough heat to keep the average human cozy. Dogs seem to have a special thermometer that adjusts to their person’s temperature, like a self-regulating electric blanket. In the summer, they downshift the warmth so that they can maintain their position nearby without crock-potting you, and in the winter, hello heat blaster. But that’s not the case with your typical human bedmate. Summer snuggles with a guy mean communal sweat, and winter snuggles are a battle of dueling thermometers; hot torso/cold feet.
Sleeping with dogs means that a middle-of-the-night tap on the back is always just a tap. The sad fact is that with dudes you’re never sure exactly which body part is doing the inquiring. You can be confident that dogs will never wake you up with a hopeful poke, ask “are you up?” and then suggest an X-rated way to help fall back to sleep. Dogs are transparent about their desire to be close, whereas some guys might use a snuggle as a means to a porny end.
Now, that’s not to say that our dogs are perfect bedmates. Both dogs and dudes can pollute the bedroom with gas (but your dog will never pull you into a Dutch Oven to experience the smell). Some dogs are bed hogs, and some don’t take kindly to being accidentally awakened in the middle of the night. There’s also the shedding factor to contend with. Sure, spooning against a silky coat feels amazing, but the next day you’re left with the furry evidence on your sheets. And let’s not forget that our dogs spend part of their day laying on the ground, which means that the all of the grime on their fur and paws will also end up in your bed.
Dog fans agree that the ick-factor is a small price to pay when it comes to canine cuddles. Our dogs’ commitment to quality snuggling is unmatched by most men. Sure, our dudes have some awesome stuff to offer that our dogs can’t give us – muscular arms, slobber-free kisses, and, ahem, “grown-up hugs” – but I contend that a sleepy-time cuddle from a dog is an unbeatable treat.
Usually, Tom manages to snake his hand between Millie and Olive to touch my elbow, and he knows that’s probably the extent of the contact. (That is, unless we’ve doled out dog bones to keep them busy so we can get to jumping bones.) Most nights, Olive curls up by my left shoulder, Millie stretches out to align her spine with mine, Tom grabs whatever body part he can reach, and all is right in our cozy king-size bed.
Victoria Schade's Life on the Leash is now available. Add it to you Want to Read shelf here.
posted by Hayley on September, 17
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